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Paul's Guide to Throwing a Successful University Party

Whether you’re a seasoned veteran or you have yet to host your first college party, you should read the tips below.

• Never, ever, throw a party on a night other than Friday. Unless you’re having a special event or you can guarantee a good turnout, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Saturday nights are fair game, but expect that most of your guests will be tired from Friday night, or they won't show up at all.
• Go big or don’t go at all. This goes back to tip #1. As you might expect, parties thrown on a Friday night will have some competition.

• Start telling people about your party the Friday before it happens. Most people in college are busy and yet also lazy. So if they already have it in their head that their Friday night next week is already planned, they usually stick to it and bring their friends/roommates. Never make flyers; these tend to fall in the wrong hands. Supplement your advertising by leaving your instant messaging software on with an away message that has the details of your party.
• Cater to the ladies. If all you have is the brew, you’ll have the dreaded sausage fest on your hands. “Hunch Punch” is a popular and easy decision. You could always just pick up a variety of cheap stuff and some juices.
• Never collect for the next shipment of liquid party supplies until the current stock is almost gone. The reason for this is that people are much more generous when they are feeling good and the night is still young.
• Hide all your valuables, glasses, and toiletries. Toiletries? Yes, hide everything in your bathroom that you wouldn’t want to get used or taken. At the very best your drunken friends will find creative ways of expressing themselves artistically with your toothpaste, liquid soap, or shaving cream. (SEE PICTURE)

• Have all your supplies well stocked before the party. Nothing is worse than running out of cups. Either some poor soul has to venture out to buy more, or you’ll have your friends drinking from pitchers, vases, your fish bowl, or anything else they can get their hands on.
• This might seem selfish, but screw it. Always have an emergency, VIP supply. When everything runs dry and it’s too late to buy more, you can just let people start leaving and keep the party going among the roommates and close friends.
• Always have a camera handy during the party. I wouldn’t remember anything from my four…ok….five years of college if it weren’t for the thousands of pictures.

• Last but not least. Have fun! What’s the point of all this preparation if you don’t relax and have a good time. If you’ve followed my guide you should have nothing to worry about. Cheers.

Someone Got Creative With My Shaving Cream